The Vineyard Church of North Grand Rapids, MI

You Can't Buy Discipline!
Ray Befus I Samuel 2 (TNIV p. 183) July 22, 2007

1. Last year Sylvester Stallone surprised the entertainment world by resurrecting his movie hero, Rocky Balboa, for one last film. Then, while promoting the film, Stallone shocked the entertainment industry with the revelation that his faith in Jesus Christ had not only impacted the writing of the first Rocky film, but also that his decision to create the final movie was inspired by a renewal of his faith
In one interview, Stallone said "I was raised in a Catholic home, a Christian home," he said. "And I went to Catholic schools and I was taught the faith and went as far as I could with it. Until one day, I got out into the so-called real world, and I was presented with temptation. I kinda, like, lost my way and made a lot of bad choices." But, Stallone added, those bad choices ultimately left him unsatisfied, especially his decision to place fame and career ahead of his family. As a result, Stallone was increasingly looking back to his Christian heritage. "The more I go to church," he said, "and the more I turn myself over to the process of believing in Jesus and listening to his Word and having him guide my hand, I feel as though the pressure is off me now." As part of this transformation, Stallone realized another poor choice that had guided his previous life: self-reliance. "You need to have the expertise and the guidance of someone else," he said. "You cannot train yourself. I feel the same way about Christianity and about what the church is: The church is the gym of the soul."
2. So, if you're ready to pump some iron this morning, open your Bible to I Samuel chapter 2 (TNIV, p. 183). If your Dad didn't bring a Bible, just whisper to him: "Kinda wimpy Dad"

a. As parents and children and family members we've been working out on Sundays to strengthen our marriage and family muscles, to tone up our relationships, and get rid of the flab in our homes. Most of our deepest hurts and longings, many of our happiest memories and greatest joys are associated with family. Some of you are single at this point in your life, and we need you to be spotters for us parents-partners who can help us stay out of trouble and carry a little bit of the load by supporting us.

b. Today we're talking about discipline-living disciplined lives and raising disciplined children. If America is learning anything through it's public education system it's that it takes a disciplined father and mother to raise a disciplined son and daughter. Our public schools are struggling and, in some cases failing . . . not for a lack of motivated, inspired teachers, but for a lack of student discipline. The lesson our nation is learning is that schools and even churches cannot make up for a lack of discipline in the home. WE CAN'T BUY DISCIPLINE (for our children). . . with tax money or even with private education. Discipline is a priceless gift that disciplined parents give their children before they step on a school bus. This morning I'd like to talk with parents about the blessing of living a disciplined life.

I. HOW VALUABLE IS DISCIPLINE?

A. Here's a scary story (ever heard of Eli?).

1. Context: two families worshipping in one faith community. One of these families is experiencing a miraculous breakthrough in answered prayer ((Elkhanna & Hannah); another family is on the brink of destruction, and a key distinction between them is disicipline.

2. Eli was a judge and a high priest early in Israel's history. For all he accomplished in his life and career, God charged him with one serious sin: failure to discipline his sons. When we meet Eli and his sons, they are all adults, and the two boys work for their father. Whatever their childhood years were like, their adult lives are radically undisciplined. Often when adults lack personal disicipline, that weakness tells us something about their early years at home. God never holds parents responsible for their children's weaknesses, failures, and sins. But God does hold parents responsible to raise their children in a disciplined manner. Cf. 2:11-12, 17, 22-25, 27-35.

How serious is a failure to discipline? Eli will die young (v. 31), his sons will die together, (v. 34), and Eli will have no family legacy (v. 35). THIS IS SOME HEAVY LIFTING!

B. When parents aren't disciplined enough to discipline their children . . .

1. Children don't respect God (v. 12). Parents learn to see and recognize God through their experiences with their parents. If you are a parent, you represent God to your child. I'm not saying that you should represent or reflect God; I'm saying that you do . . . every day, whether you think about it or not. Your child is deciding what God is like by how you relate to him or not. If a parent's life is so undisciplined that he or she does not inspire and require respect in a child, that child will not respect God, his character, his instructions, or his boundaries. ILLUS: the first of the ten commandments to be given with a promise of long and rich life is to honor father and mother.

2. Children don't respect other people (vv. 13-16). Children who grow up without effective discipline come to believe that no one has the right to tell them "No"-not neighbors, not spouses, not teachers, not pastors, not even God. They conclude that they have the right to do what they please and take what they want-whenever and wherever. They enter the adult world as self-absorbed, self-serving users. They often turn out to be defiantly independent men and selfishly motivated women who create grief for their families, co-workers, and fellow believers.

C. It's hard to imagine a better way to honor God and to build a legacy than to life a disciplined life and build a disciplined home for your children.

II. DISCIPLINE IS A PRICELESS GIFT (that disciplined parents give their children).

A. Our goal is to raise disciplined children.

1. Next week we'll talk about what to do with Johnny is naughty and Susie is selfish. But, the goal of discipline-
time outs and spankings, childhood chores and responsibilities-isn't just to make children behave in the moment, isn't just to force them to be nice to their friends, isn't just to avoid embarrassment in public settings, isn't just to teach them to respect their parent's instructions. The ultimate goal of our discipline is to raise disciplined children!

2. ILLUS: Last year the NY Times ran an article entitled "Marshmallows and Public Policy". Around 1970, Walter Mischel launched a classic experiment in self-discipline. He left a succession of 4-year-olds in a room with a bell and a marshmallow. If they rang the bell, he would come back and they could eat the marshmallow. If, however, they didn't ring the bell and waited for him to come back on his own, they could then have two marshmallows.
In videos of the experiment, you can see the children squirming, kicking, hiding their eyes-desperately trying to exercise self-control so they can wait and get two marshmallows. Their performance varied widely. Some broke down and rang the bell within a minute. Others lasted 15 minutes. The children who waited longer went on to get higher SAT scores. They got into better colleges and had, on average, better adult outcomes. The children who rang the bell quickest were more likely to become bullies. They received worse teacher and parental evaluations 10 years on and were more likely to have drug problems at age 32. David Brooks, "Marshmallows and Public Policy," The New York Times (5-7-06)
3. No wonder God places such a high value on discipline! Colossians 2:5, "For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is".
B. What is discipline, and what does it look like (whether you're single or married, a parent or a child)?

1. Definition: Self-discipline-regulating, training, correcting oneself for the purpose of growth and improvement. A disciplined person is a focused, trustworthy, growing person who doesn't blame others for his or her weaknesses and failures. One of the reasons God fills us with his Spirit is to enable us to become this kind of person, have these kinds of relationships, and create these kinds of homes.

2. Let's get specific and practical. I'm going to give you seven characteristics of a disciplined man or woman. And, I want you to add a few weights to your bar bell this morning by actually giving yourself a score for each one of these characteristics. There is a place on your program for you to write down these seven qualities and to score your present level of strength.

If you're a parent, grade your own level of self-discipline, not your child's level of discipline. You can't impart to your children a strength you don't have. You can't model a strength your don't possess. You can't teach with credibility a strength you haven't developed.
Weak Strong
a. Creates inspiring vision 1 2 3 4 5

Self-disciplined men and women turn off the television at night; they get up early while the house is still quiet. They plan alone time to read, dream, imagine, pray, study and reflect on God's promises and life's possibilities. They think about what they would do if they knew they couldn't fail. They think about what they would do if they knew they only had one more year to live. They think about risks they could take to test God's love and generosity. Disciplined people don't settle for life in a rut. They dream big dreams and communicate them to their children. They themselves shoot for the moon and, they encourage their children to shoot for the stars.

b. Develops clear goals 1 2 3 4 5

If you have a vision to earn a degree, to maintain your physical health, to eliminate credit card debt, to own a home, to take memory-making vacations, to put your children through college, to help build a church, to take your children on a missions trip, to retire with dignity, you have to develop discipline. Disciplined people set long-range goals and short term strategies. If they want to see something happen in five years, they figure what has to happen this year. They make the plans and the sacrifices now that will enable them to reach their goal then.

The suprising thing is that some very busy, hard working Dads and Moms are actually undisciplined. They're working long hours, not because they are pursuing clear goals, but because they don't know what else to do . . . because they carry a sense of not measuring up from their own childhood, because they're afraid to take the risk to challenge the expectations others place on them. Disciplined men and women aren't busy; they're strategic. They are doing things today that will help them be somewhere else tomorrow.

c. Gives his or her best effort 1 2 3 4 5

Disciplined people take time to relax, enjoy great vacations, and have fun on weekends. But, when they work, they give their best. When they love, they love their best. When they serve others, they serve to the best of their ability. They don't drift; they don't slide. They are wholehearted. They pour their hearts into their careers, their churches, their families, their communities. Disciplined men and women realize that they are stewards of their lives. They're only going to live once, and they'll leave a legacy. And, they'll give an account to God in the final day. Disciplined men and women, singles and parents, think a lot about their stewardship.

d. Communicates respect 1 2 3 4 5

Disciplined people respect other people, their positions and authority, their differences and their property. Disciplined people speak to other people like they are special-just because they are people, created in God's image. They don't use other people to gratify their sexual or financial desires. They don't treat other people like they are stupid or without value. They don't judge and gossip. Disciplined men and women respect people, boundaries, and laws.

e. Makes and keeps promises 1 2 3 4 5

When a man is disciplined, his "yes" means "yes". You can trust him to keep his word, whether the subject is his marriage vows or his commitment to be honest at work. He is true to his word; he doesn't excuse himself when he gets too busy. He pays whatever price is necessary to keep his word. He counts the cost of his commitments and, he finishes what he starts. When he forgets or fails, he apologizes and makes it right. When a woman is disciplined, her "no" means "no". She keeps her promises to herself and her promises to others. She doesn't say one thing and then do another, because her circumstances changed. Her commitments give the people around her a great sense of stability. When she says "yes" or "no" her friends feel secure in her word.

f. Resolves breakdowns 1 2 3 4 5

Disciplined people don't ignore failures and breakdowns, hoping others will just forget and move on. Disciplined men and women confront issues, resolve conflicts, ask forgiveness, make amends, do what they can to restore relationships. They don't just try to get over it and move on. They understand that a root of resentment bitterness can spoil a marriage or a family. So, they don't let things go. They say what needs to be said and they do what needs to be done to make things right.

g. Celebrates achievements 1 2 3 4 5

Disciplined men and women notice other people's growth, contributions, strengths, and successes. They take time to plan parties and celebrations. They give thoughtful toasts and make speeches that are full of gratitude. Disciplined people add value to life by noticing when others get it right and taking time to celebrate all that is good. They aren't too busy; they stop to celebrate.

TRANS: Next week we'll talk about standards for the home and time outs, about child development and spanking. But the goal isn't just to keep kids out of trouble. Our goal as parents is to raise disciplined children who grow into disciples of Jesus Christ. You might have noticed a similarity between the word discipline and discipleship. Discipline is the heart of discipleship.

C. Parents (however you might be struggling with your childrens' behavior) begin by living disciplined lives. They future you long for with your children is unlocked by your own self-discipline.

1. Are you working from a plan? Have your read a book? Do you read THE BOOK? Are you partnering with other parents? Do you have a vision for your marriage and family? Have you set some specific goals? Do you and your spouse talk and pray about these goals?

2. Is your Yes, Yes? Do your children notice this about you . . . Dad always keeps his word-at work, at church, and at home. You can count on Mom to finish what she starts. If Dad said it, he'll do it. If Mom said it, you don't have to wonder or to worry. There is no compensating for broken promises.

3. Do you regularly invite counsel and correction? People don't usually give it unless we ask. But if we consistently ask, there are men and women all around us who are rich in wisdom and experience. They've learned things from the Bible and from experience. They've grown through success and failure. There is always hope for a Dad or Mom who goes through life asking for counsel and correction.

CONCLUSION:
1. In The Sacred Romance, John Eldredge writes: As a young boy, around the time my heart began to suspect that the world was a fearful place and I was on my own to find my way through it, I read the story of a Scottish discus thrower from the nineteenth century. He lived in the days before professional trainers and developed his skills alone in the highlands of his native village. He even made his own discus from the description he read in a book. What he didn't know was the discus used in competition was made of wood with an outer rim of iron. His was solid metal and weighed three or four times as much as those being used by his would-be challengers. This committed Scotsman marked out his field the distance of the current record throw and trained day and night to be able to match it. For nearly a year, he labored under the self-imposed burden of the extra weight, becoming very, very good. He reached the point at which he could throw his iron discus the record distance, maybe farther. He was ready. The highlander traveled south to England for his first competition. When he arrived at the games, he was handed the official wooden discus-which he promptly threw like a tea saucer. He set a new record, a distance so far beyond those of his competitors that no one could touch him. For many years he remained the uncontested champion. Something in my heart connected with this story. So, that's how you do it: Train under a great burden.
2. Effective parents train themselves for raising healthy, well-adjusted children by first developing a disciplined life. Before Johnny even reaches his terrible twos, Dad is developing vision and setting goals. Before Susie even approaches her teenage years, Mom is focusing her best effort on childraising, developing a consistent track of promise-keeping, and communicating respect for others at home, at work, and at church.
3. Yes, this is heavy lifting. You can do it. You can break records. You can break out of destructive family cycles. You can break out of shame and regret. You can lead the way. You can build a legacy that will touch three or four generations. Don't settle for anything less.

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